Growing

School starts on Tuesday. Eli will be in first grade. I can't believe he is already 6 and going to school. It was weird and sentimental when he started kindergarten but I think first grade may be worse. Kindergarten wasn't much different than preschool, just a few extra days a week. Now he is going to be at school for 6 hours a day, 5 days a week. The thought makes me sad. I feel like I should be happy for him, happy for me, happy for many reasons but the truth is I'm sad and anxious. I feel like there was so much more I wanted to do with him this summer, so much more I wanted to do with him in general before he was gone at school all day.

I am excited for him to have more opportunities to learn, to make friends and gain more independence. There are just so many things that I can't control. I think that is the root of most of my anxiety. He will now be going to recess with all of the older kids. Who is going to help him if someone is mean to him? What if he doesn't know how to get school lunch so he has to go hungry? I know that these are things that happen to kids, it's part of being a kid. That doesn't mean it won't tear my heart out if/when it happens to my kid.

Now that he is growing up I know that the hard, emotional battles are coming up. The problems that don't seem to have a good solution. The times when you just have to hug your sad child and know that there isn't anything you can do to make the situation better. I don't know if I'm ready for that yet.

On top of all of that, Eli is in a French Dual Immersion program where half of the day he is taught only in French. It is a well known fact that the first few weeks are hard. The kids have no idea what the teacher is saying and it's frustrating. He hasn't had to do too many hard things in his life and I'm not sure how he will respond to it. I know that this will be a great program for Eli but it just adds to my school starting apprehension.

I'm sure we will fall into a routine quickly and Eli being in school won't be so bad. There are teachers there to help him, he has good friends, and most likely won't spend too much time with older kids. He will learn and grow and become even smarter than he already is. I will enjoy the time to go grocery shopping without all three boys and Eli and Isaac fighting less among other things. It will become the new normal. I guess it's true what people have told me since I started having kids; enjoy them while you can because before you know it they will be grown up.